I WILL TELL YOU HOW BAD IT IS.... I BOUGHT A NEW CAR AND I FORGOT TO ASK THEM TO DONATE IT.. I SAY NEW CAR.. I COULD HAVE LEFT THE --- NEW ----OUT. I DON'T HAVE A CAR REALLY. SDP HAS 3-- JUST HAPPEN TO BE ALL DODGE 2003 AND TIRED--- ONE IS RUNNING-- THE OTHER 2 ARE NAPPING... IN NEED OF MINOR REPAIRS-- LIKE STARTER AND BRAKES. I HAVE ALWAYS ARGUED THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN A CAR IS THE BRAKES... NOT THE ENGINE.
MY HISTORY WITH AUTOS HAS BEEN SHABBY AT BEST-- STARTING WITH A 1949 PLYMOUTH 2 SEATER THAT DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH VALUE FOR MY FATHER'S SECRETARY TO TURN IN .. THERE WERE 2 OTHERS THAT I KNEW OF IN TOWN ( NEWBURGH NY.).. AND I KNEW THEM WELL... BECAUSE WITH THE 3 IDENTICAL CARS , THERE WERE ONLY11 HUBCAPS- FOR THE YEAR THAT I DROVE THAT... SOMETIMES I HAD 4 HUBCAPS...SOMETIMES 3. -
OUT OF COLLEGE I WENT TO THE VESPA SCOOTER FOR COMMUTING..THEN GETING MARRIED,, WHCH STARTED MY CARREER WITH A SERIES OF VW BUGS-- EVERY ONE WAS WONDERFUL.. ALSO OLD-- THE $100 VARIETY.. YOU COULD ROLL THEM TO START EASILY. FINALLY I DID BUY A NEW ONE-- AND HAD A HITCH PUT ON IT... WITH A TRAILER I BOUGHT IN A PACKAGE AT KMART, I DELIVERED THE WANT AD MAGAZINE WEEKLY.
I SHUTTER TO THINK-- TODAY YOU COULD NOT--- BUT ONE PLACE TO WHICH I HAD TO DELIVER MANY CARTONS OF MAGAZINES WAS 2 HOUSES DOWN FROM CANOBIE LAKE PARK ( AMUSEMENT PARK) THIS WAS THE ERA JANINE TALKS ABOUT IN HER BOOK( YOU ALL MUST KNOW "DOGS DONKEYS AND CIRCUS PERFORMERS). OUR FARM WAS LOADED WITH CHILDREN... I HAD A RULE-- I WOULD TAKE ALL THE KIDS THAT WOULD FIT IN THE VW.. AND BE QUIET.. THEY WOULD SPEND AN HOUR PACKING THEMSELVES IN-- ONE MOMENTOUS TRIP, ONE KID HAD A FULL CAST ON ONE LEG WHICH GOT PROPPED UP SOMEWHERE BY THE CEILING.
WE ATE AT MCDONALDS WHERE I ALLOWED THEM TO HAVE 2 THINGS HAMBURGER AND DRINK OR FRIES AND KETCHUP.. SOMETHING IN EACH HAND-- THAT WAS IT.. AND THE GOT TO SPEND WHATEVER WAS IN THE COIN JUG FOR THE WEEK. ( IN THE MAGAZINE BUSINESS I HAD ALOT OF COINS.)
NOW THERE IS A STRANGE TALE TO TELL-- I WORKED FOR THE WANT-ADVERTISER FOR 19 YEARS BEFORE THEY KNEW I HAD A COLLEGE EDUCATION.. APPARENTLY I HIDE IT WELL...
I DID BOTH THE WANT AD AND THE ANIMAL EPISODES JOBS AT THE SAME TIME.
I WORKED FROM HOME-- GOING TO THE OFFICE MAYBE TWICE A YEAR-- ( AND ONCE WAS THE CHRISTMAS PARTY
I HAD ?16 DELIVERY PEOPLE WHO WORKED FOR ME- THIS WAS ABOUT 1/2 THE WHOLE COMPANY.. AND I HAD TO REPORT THEIR DEILVERIES AND CHARGE ACCOUNTS TO THE MAIN OFFICE IN SUDBURY... BEING A MATH MAJOR IN THEORY AT LEAST ... I COMPUTERIZED MY REPORT ON ONE PAGE.. I COULD TELL EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO KNOW ON THE ONE PAGE. ONE DAY THE BOSS CALLED AND WANTED ME TO COME TO A MEETING WTH THEIR ACCOUNTANT-- THE NORMAL TYPE ACCOUNTANT -- BLUE SUIT -- POLISHED SHOES-- AND BRIEF CASE.. HE HAD 1/2 INCH OF THAT ZIG ZAG COMPUTER PAPER WITH HOLES IN IT... WITH ALL KINDS OF NUMBERS ADDRESSES ETC.
I TOOK MY ONE PIECE OF PAPER IN MY BACK POCKET. FOLDED ... I HAVE TO ADMIT -- HE KIND OF LOOKED DOWN HIS NOSE AT ME- WITH GOOD REASON... UNTIL I NOTICED ONE FATAL FLAW IN HIS HUGE REPORT.. I SIMPLY SAID "THAT REPORT IS WRONG --- IMPRESSIVE BUT WRONG-- I HAVE NO IDEA WHY IT IS WRONG BUT IT IS"
HIS TOTAL $$ SALES FIGURE FOR THE WEEK ENDED IN AN ODD NUMBER-- AND THE BOOK WHOLESALED FOR 86 CENTS SO I ASKED WHAT HE MULTIPLIED TIMES 86 TO GET AN ODD NUMBER..
PRETTY MUCH BASED ON THAT- THE BOSS LET ME COMPUTERIZE THEIR ENTIRE OFFICE IN SUDBURY - WHICH IS WHY WE NOW HAVE AN INDOOR ARENA-- AND ACTUALLY THAT 6 ACRE LOT ON THAT SIDE THE DRIVEWAY-ALONG WITH KIDS COLLEGE TUITIONS AND A BUNCH OF ANIMALS.
I TOLD MY KIDS-- AND ANY STUDENT CROWD I NOW SPEAK TO--- YOU MAJOR IN MATH /SCIENCE YOU ARE MORE INCLINED TO HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PLAY WITH ANIMALS... MAJORING IN ANIMALS IS NOT USUALLY AS PROFITABLE AS MATH..
THERE WAS ACTUALLY ONE OTHER PROBLEM WITH THAT ACCOUNTANT THAT I DID PICK UP.. HIS BILLING PROGRAM WAS A TOTAL MESS A $200,000 MESS - THEIR COMPUTER WAS SPITTING OUT BILLS NO ONE COULD UNDERSTAND. TURNS OUT.. WHO EVER PROGRAMMED IT TOLD THE COMPUTER THAT THE DATE WAS ACTUALLY A WORD SO WHEN IT SORTED RECORDS ON THAT "FIELD" 1 WAS FIRST-- JANUARY- THE NEXT WAS 10 FOR OCTOBER--11 NOVEMBER-- 12 DECEMBER -- THEN 2 FOR FEBUARAY...IT DID MAKE SENSE-- THE WRONG SENSE-- BUT THE ANSWER WAS SIMPLE
LIKE THE PHONE BOOK SMITH THEN SMITHSON, THEN TAYLOR
SO I HAVE TO ADMIT....MY CLAIM TO FAME IS JUST 2 SIMPLE FACTS----THAT JUST MAKES ME REALLY OBSERVANT -- NOT SMART..
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SO..... I BOUGHT THE PURPLE CAR-- TOYOTA SEQUOIA- AND THE CAR STORE IS GETTIG ADAMANT ABOUT MY PICKING IT UP.. I NEVER KNEW THE DEPOSIT ONLY HELD THE CAR FOR 24 HOURS.. SO THEY ARE SENDING ME A DRIVER AT 10 TODAY
WHERE ON EARTH IS SHELIA WHEN I NEED HER.... SHE WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED TO ASK THEM TO DONATE IT.
NOW I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET IT PAID FOR AND INSURED BY 10:00 .. BUT IT SHOULD BE AROUND FOR TOMORROWS SNOW STORM
AND I ALSO SHOULD HAVE SOMEONE GO WITH ME TO PICK IT UP SO I DON'T GET LOST... WORCESTER IS SLIGHTLY OUTSIDE MY OLD MAGAZINE DELIVERY ROUTES-- I ONLY WENT TO LINCOLN AYER AREA...
BUSY DAY AHEAD.
